28 October 2008

Learning to Breathe... Again

I feel like I'm right back where I was about 12 months ago. All this business with Benny is stressing me out. I have that anxious feeling again. I'm having trouble sleeping. I'm trying to cope with the stress by breathing and taking a step back - stuff I learned to do when I was going through postpartum depression.

I've signed Benny up for an autism screening. There are portions of the day when I see completely normal behavior and other parts of the day that concern me. I go from being a happy mom to a worried mom on a dime. In many ways, I think most of this is in my head. It's something I need to deal with. Even if Benny is autistic, which is still very unlikely.

The whole situation makes me wonder if I should ever try to have another kid. I'm tearing myself up all over again with Benny. And he's not even DOING anything. He's actually a very mild-mannered, easy-going kid. He's made being a parent very, very easy.

Nate and I decided to wait until we're moved in to have the screening. It will give Benny more time to develop. Many of the things he's doing are completely normal for his age. If he continues to do them, we should be concerned. And, as it turns out, he's getting two molars right now, which explains some of his "off" behavior. I don't think he's feeling very well.

Enough blabbering. I'm trying very hard to be rational and realistic about this. It's hard. It's very hard.


Anonymous said...

I just wanted to comment and say that I can understand your concerns, but being a mommy to two I thought I would share that Kyle was wayyyy slower than Kloe at everything, didnt even sit up until like 10 months, walked at 15 months, just slower over all and now he is a total whiz. Kids are different, they progress and grow different. I really dont think you have a thing to worry about. I think we can all find symptoms of autism in our kids if we search them out. Just play, laugh and snuggle and try not to worry too much.

Sara Struckman said...

Thanks, April. I appreciate your feedback. I'm sure this is all in my head. It's good to hear about other parenting experiences, though. Very calming.