I had an "Oh, Puh-lease!" day. It's like a "one-of-those-days" days, but even more ridiculous and stupid. Nate has been getting up early for work lately so I decided to stop sleeping in. If I'm in bed by 11, there's no reason I should be sleeping in until 7:30 or 8 when The Bear yells from his crib: "Mom, get your ass outta bed!" So, I've been starting my day Bear-free: getting up, making coffee, dressing myself, pulling my hair back, and browsing the web.
This morning I was checking out People.com (yes, I know, this is shocking and disappointing - to me as well). There was an article about Toni Braxton and her coming to terms with her autistic son. For all of those who know me well, you know that I obsess about all things Benny related - especially when it comes to his health. For no particular reason, I'm freaked out that he will be autistic. I don't know why. It's not as if autism is the absolute worst thing in the world. Many other parents and their children are dealing with far worse. So, I decide to check out the symptoms for autism. Because, why not?
As it turns out, Benny is in line with several of the symptoms. He focuses on one part of a toy (often a wheel), doesn't always respond to his name, resists cuddling, and the like. Never mind that these symptoms are more for OLDER toddlers who are starting to talk and the like. Not for mere 15-month-old tykes. Anyway, I work myself into a tizzy and decide that I should stay away from the internet for the day. I mention all of this to Nate and he calms me down a bit. After all, Benny is really young and he is affectionate (when he doesn't want to play) and has many moods - including lots of smiley and happy moods. Then I call my mom (a mother of five) and ask her if she's noticed anything out of the norm. I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm crazy now (and perhaps I am). Both Nate and my mom assured me that Benny is not autistic, but rather a normal toddler. He's inquisitive, and moody, and happy, and sometimes difficult. That doesn't mean he's autistic.
As a result of my "Oh, Puh-lease" day, I can't eat because my stomach is in knots. What is WRONG with me. Seriously? If any of you moms out there want to comment, feel free. Do you ever have moments like this?
In my defense, I did return to the internet to look up normal developments for toddlers and Benny matches up with all of them. He has a 3-5 word vocabulary, will follow simple commands, gives kisses, is into EVERYTHING, crawls up stairs, etc., etc., etc. I've decided to CHILL OUT and bring up my concerns to Benny's pediatrician on Monday when he's having his 15-month well-baby check up. Then I'll know he's OK and I'm completely nuts. I suppose it's better than the other way around.